Most everyone is aware of the feisty feud between the dueling divas, Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj this past week; who, if we are to believe the celeb-centric tabloids and press, were sniping at one another almost before they got started working together.
Of course, we love to see celebrities display such foibles as it makes us somehow feel better for our own. After all, if the people on the planet who have it all can’t get along on a silly reality show, then it somehow justifies the bile we feel over the creep/s making our life miserable. So, if you’ve got one or more of those folks in your life, (who doesn’t?) here are three quick but very effective tips to help you get the angry genie back into the bottle; feel better, grow a little bit, and perhaps, even make it all go away.
1) Ask yourself, Is it really them or is it maybe me?
Identify exactly what it is about the other person that you don’t like. Be honest! When you do, ask yourself whether what you don’t like about them is almost or even exactly what you don’t like about yourself. Take this situation as an opportunity to honestly look to identify an area or areas for your own personal or professional growth. You’ll know you’ve succeeded when the other person doesn’t bother you anymore.
2) Remember, it’s all about ego; and it takes two to tango
With Mariah and Nicki of course, it’s all about super egos; one, a music legend, and the other the “new” kid superstar on the block—very few reach that level of any field without sporting an enormous ego, and that’s a lot of energy meeting head-on at the judges table. While it’s important to have an ego, as it’s a big part of your uniqueness and who you are, it’s equally important to remember that the ego is largely a little child, no more than 3 or so years old. Like any child, it wants a lot of love, attention and validation, and it doesn’t want to compete with anyone for it. The best way to give it that love, attention and validation is from within, not from without. In other words, if your situation involves a clash of egos competing for the attention of a boss, or coach, or teacher, etc. and you’re using that attention to feed your self-esteem you will do much better to simply give it to yourself. The more you truly esteem and validate yourself and stop worrying what others think or how much attention you’re getting or not, the easier it becomes to simply ignore the idiot/s causing your discomfort; now that’s empowerment!
3) Learn and practice the Art of Allowance
This is really the key to the castle in creating and maintaining peaceful human relations and while I’ve written about it before, it’s always worth repeating. If you attempt to accept the other person’s or peoples’ ego-attention-craving behavior, it only makes your energetic imbalance worse and the conflict will almost surely escalate. If you choose not to accept it— a very good choice—but instead to tolerate it, then there is still an energy of resistance and discord within you; bottom line you will still be hurting. If, on the other hand, you choose to simply allow the other person to be who and what they are—even if they are complete jerks—you will feel absolutely no discord and no negative energy. And then you get to reinvest that energy back into your own performance and empowerment, and that will keep your ego nicely attended to, validated and in it’s proverbial play-pen where it cannot get into trouble. This may sound difficult, but if you really pay attention to tip number one, it’s a breeze because you will have transcended the negative trait within you that they were reminding you of.
It may seem as though there is a bit of chicken-and-egg-ness going on here, but that is so often the way in human behavioral dynamics and in personal growth. I promise these simple tips will work, I have taught them to hundreds of clients, so why not give them a try? You have nothing to lose but the drama, and so much to gain; and you deserve it.
Until next time, remember Rule #1: Life is Supposed to be Fun!